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Being thankful

Monday Doesn't Look So Bad Anymore Widow Repaired

Not Your Typical “Monday Blues.”

This morning, my FB news feed is flooded with silly memes about the “Monday blues.”

I see it every week.
But there’s one Monday I’ll never forget: March 20, 2006.
It wasn’t just the worst day of the week. It went down as the worst day of my life.
It was the day Jason died.
Today I’m waking up to the 11 year anniversary, and here it is falling on a Monday.
It’s like a mean little twist. I’m starting the week with a double shot of reminders on the calendar.

When Every Monday Was (pretty much) the Same…

Every Monday about 11 years ago I was waking up at random hours to make a bottle for my baby Caleb.
Every Monday about 11 years ago I was kissing Jason goodbye (if I was awake) as he left for work.
I watched tv shows while rocking Caleb in the recliner. We went out for a walk in the jogging stroller. I wrote the bill schedule on the calendar and balanced the check book. I drove Caleb to Beaufort so we could spent time with my parents.
Every Monday about 11 years ago was pretty much the same as every other day of the week.

…And Then It Wasn’t

On Monday morning, March the 20th, 2006, Jason went to work. I took Caleb to a babysitter and went job-hunting in town.
I spoke to Jason in the afternoon to tell him I was hired at the vet’s office. He was on the way home. I went to the babysitters’ house and lingered when they offered me lunch.
When I finally got back home with Caleb, both company vehicles were there. The person who was working with Jason was in the back yard throwing debris from his work van into the waste receptacle.
I handed him some mail, and I was told that Jason was inside. He wasn’t feeling well.
I twisted the knob on our back door. It was locked, even though it was never locked before.
I will forever hate coming home to a locked door.
On Monday morning, March 20th, 2006, I was a married mom looking for a job. That night I was a widow. I cried myself to sleep because he was not beside me.

I Think About All the Mondays He’s Missed

I wish that Jason was here on Monday nights to talk about the past weekend watching Caleb’s football games. I know they would rehash every detail, and Jason’s eyes would be sparkling.
I wish that Jason could be here to see Caleb at his karate Hyper class.
I wish that Jason could tell us about his day at work.
I wish these things and more for him and for Caleb.

Monday Doesn’t Look So Bad Anymore.

Today is Monday morning, March 20th, 2017, and soon I’ll wake Caleb up for school.
At work, Monday passes quickly with phone calls, email, tons of sales and some of the best co-workers that I could ever ask for!
Monday nights are set aside for relaxation. It’s my night off from working out. I look forward to cooking (which I definitely did NOT love 11 years ago)!
I text my family for requests before stopping for ingredients on the way home.
My fiance takes Caleb to karate and picks him up if I’m still cooking.
We watch our favorite shows on Netflix while we cuddle our chihuahuas on the couch.
I’m sure we will talk about the movie we saw this weekend, the live music at the restaurant and the “championship” air hockey games at the arcade.
Monday doesn’t look so bad anymore.

It’s Not Monday Anymore

Now I can look past Monday, March 20th.
I’m here with a man who encouraged me when I doubted myself.
I’m here with a man who said, “Jason would be proud of how far you’ve come.”
Jason Drew Father's Day Widow Repair

Psalm 68

Sing to God, sing in praise of His name,

extol Him who rides on the clouds;

rejoice before Him—His name is the Lord.

A Father to the Fatherless, a Defender of widows,

is God in His holy dwelling.

God makes a home for the lonely,

He leads out the prisoners with singing;

but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

 

I’m glad that Father’s Day is in the summer. Caleb always makes something for me at school for Mother’s Day. I could not face it in years past, if he had to watch his classmates make cards for their dads…and him being without his own father.

Once, a bully at school jeered at my son, “You don’t have a dad!” I felt drained and helpless when Caleb told me. As a mother, you want to put a bubble around your children for protection. In this case, I wanted to protect his emotions.

Caleb’s school had an event for dads to visit the classroom, and I was blessed to have my fiance step into the role.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only single mother, but it’s important to open your heart and embrace the people who want to help.

Many grandpas were there. The important thing is that someone who loves your child is there.

If it was just me and Caleb, I would have been there for my son. So many moms are both mom and dad. Many parents fill both roles.

My son was only three months old when his dad died, so Caleb does not remember Jason. I do my best to keep his memory alive, to help Caleb know his dad. I was so happy to hear from Caleb’s teacher that he talks about his dad, so I will always share my memories. I will always keep the pictures of Jason up around the house.

This is a card written by a dear friend after Jason died. I read it when I don’t feel strong. I read it when I feel lonely. I read it on Father’s Day:

 

Dearest Bonnie,

May the L-ord continue to wrap His arms of loving kindness around you and sing softly to you, “Quiet, my love” (Zephaniah 3:17).

Jason lives in peace, purity of light and truth, waiting for all of us to join him. For soon and very soon we will all meet the King of Kings, our L-ord.

Jason left behind a legacy—you and Caleb, whose namesake in the Bible (Numbers 13 and Joshua 14:6-15) was one of two men in an entire nation to enter the Promised Land and take a mountain at 84 years old.

You have a job ahead of you—to raise Caleb and help him grow into the young man that Jason would be so proud of. One who would follow in his father’s heritage of a deeply rooted faith.

It is all of us who must bury our doubts and questionings. Nothing or no one could have prevented this from happening—for it was planned, though in despondency.

My prayer for you, Bonnie, is that you will literally feel the presence of the L-ord as he sings softly over you, “Quiet, my love.” I love you.

 

Tomorrow, I will take my fiance and our kids out for dinner. I am excited to celebrate him, such a wonderful father. I mailed a card to my dad yesterday, and it’s going to be late, but I’ll call to wish him Happy Father’s Day.

God kept His promise in Psalm 68. He is a Father to the Fatherless. He is the defender of widows.

Promise of Psalm 68 Father to the Fatherless Widow Repair

God always put someone in our life to  step up for Caleb, whether he was someone I dated in the past, my dad, or my fiance.

We have never lacked for anything we needed, financially, physically or emotionally.